No Such Thing as Bad Writing

As I work on my developmental edits for draft two of this fantasy novel, there's one thing that keeps consistently eating at me:

"This sucks!"

And while, sure, first drafts exist with the purpose to suck, this kind of negative mentality has really felt more like sandbags around my ankles as I try to edit.

The truth is, I'm embarrassed of what I've written.

I think back to people before who told me I couldn't be a writer. Teachers with criticism, people concerned about it not being a career that can sustain me. And I think, "Maybe they were right."

Maybe everything I write will be bad.

Maybe my writing isn't good enough.

Maybe writing isn't worth it.

Then I think of two things - after a deep breath.

1. I think of something my writing coach told me. Which is nobody gets to see what I write without my say. I have to consent for another set of eyes to devour this thing. So it's not like draft one is out in the world - and draft two won't be either. Not unless I say so. That means I can be okay with writing it "poorly."

2. I think of this quote that my editor sent me:

"There is no bad writing. My writing is either great or it is making me great."

I have this quote written on a whiteboard in the middle of my wall. The same wall with all of my drawings for my storyboard, all of my sticky notes, and story planning. 

I already wrote the book.

That's huge. I'm already in that 3%. I've already come so far. And while editing feels like starting over sometimes, it isn't.

The story has already been told. Even if I cringe at the thought of looking back on it, or my editor seeing it - I've told the story for myself. And now I'm connecting it. Shaping it. Giving it a different kind of life.

And when you really think about it? That's kind of awesome.

So, yeah. People have said my writing can't be good enough. Sometimes I let myself believe them.

But only for a moment.

There is no way this book is ready for people to really read it. But at the same time, it is here, and it's real. I can hold it in my hands. I can flip through the pages of it. I can see it.

And I can see that it was always, already good enough.

And that I am good enough to write it.

The reason I write, I always say, is to inspire. Because I know someone needs my words. I know someone will want them. Someone will hang on them.

But honestly? If there was not a single person who would read my work, I don't think I'd stop.

I write for me just as much.

It's important to remember why we do what we do.

So, friends, I urge you today:

Write the book. Or edit it, if you're at that stage like me.

Crochet the blanket.

Sketch the drawing.

Paint the painting.

Play the instrument.

Throw the ball. Or kick it.

Whatever you do? Do it. For you. Because you're good enough to. And try to remember that when you lose sight of the bigger picture.